TRUTH OR DARE

[cactusy]

1) Post your characters, one per comment.
2) Comment around ICly asking other characters "truth or dare?"
3) Truth is self-explanatory; dares should involve tagging out to another character's top level somehow ("Insult someone you find terrifying", "Tell someone you think is hot one thing you find sexy about them", "Strike up a conversation using the most awkward non-sequitur you can come up with", etc.)

Comments

[salamanca]

Hot. [ ;) ]

Well? You wanna ask me? Or does this mean I win?

[cactusy]

Truth or dare, asshole.

[salamanca]

Truth!

[cactusy]

Why the fixation on Cohle?

[salamanca]

You know what? Ah, I changed my mind! Dare.

[ That is 100% against the rules of this game. ]

[cactusy]

Uh-uh. Come on, buddy; let's hear it.

[salamanca]

[ ....... ]

After my first death, he was there. He took care of me. You know? He taught me a breathing exercise. He stood up for me to the kid.

My first death... it was embarrassing! He made me feel better about it. Didn't get angry when I got angry. He was there.

[cactusy]

... He really does actually matter to you?

[salamanca]

He did.

[cactusy]

What changed? Just him reacting badly to your whole thing?

[salamanca]

Sorry, sweetheart. You asked your question. I answered. No more freebies.

Your turn. Truth or dare?

[cactusy]

Whatever. Truth.

[salamanca]

What you said to that girl, about not having strong feelings... believe it or not, I know what you mean! It's never bothered me. That was me too, before I came here. No strong feelings, except happiness sometimes. Fascination. Love for my family. Everything else? [ Shakes head. ] Shallow, not strong. But I liked it! Makes my life easy.

Until I came here. [ Eyeroll. ]

If you were me- whole life, no strong feelings, then suddenly you started experiencing them [ for the first time in your forties ], how would you handle it?

Maybe I'll learn something! [ His tone suggests he believes otherwise, though. ]

[cactusy]

... Wait, this place made you start experiencing strong feelings when you never had before? What the hell happened? What kind of feelings?

And, I dunno, I'd probably be overwhelmed or something. Confused. Annoyed. Just because I kinda wish things were different doesn't mean it wouldn't be annoying.

[salamanca]

All kinds! Shame. Remorse. Regret. Guilt. Embarrassment. Fear. It's all new to me.

Yeaaaah. "Annoying" is one word for it. [ Snorts and shakes his head, then rubs a hand over his mustache. Lalo, personally, had never wished for things to be different. He liked everything just fine exactly the way it was. ]

Your turn.

[cactusy]

Yeah, no, we're gonna tease this out a little first; I'm picking truth for you.

[This is how the game works now. She's decided.]

What changed?

[salamanca]

Nah! Sorry, Daddy. I'm not that easy. You want the good shit, you gotta take me out to dinner, you gotta work for it.

Dare!

[cactusy]

I dare you to tell me what changed.

[ :) ]

[salamanca]

[ He'd groan, but he's not going to give her the satisfaction. He just stares impassively for a second, then shrugs and gives her an 'oh well' expression. ]

Aight! You got me. The truth is, I don't know. Just kinda happened. I woke up here, I was normal, I met Cohle and then--

[ Uh-oh. He's said too much.

Also this, like, totally justifies kidnapping, right? Right. Wrong. ]

Your turn. Truth or dare?

[cactusy]

-- Huh.

If it's because you met Cohle, then you aren't like me. I am how I am, full-stop. I can change my behavior based on the people I meet. But nothing inside me has ever changed.

Truth.

[salamanca]

It's NOT because I met Cohle. It's — [ He's part of it, but he's a symptom, not the cause. The truth is, Lalo doesn't know what happened or why. He was one way before he was here. He was another way after about a week here.

He doesn't know why. No one event or person seems to be an obvious cause.

And he can feel it now. Something he's not used to. Something he can't name, something he can't explain because he's never felt before. A tightness in his chest.

Frustration, at being unable to explain himself, but having never experienced that before, Lalo doesn't know that. Can't name it.

He reverts to Spanish. English is too hard right now. That's never happened to him before either.

He doesn't even feel like making a joke about how he's not like her because he knows what "fun" us. ]

We're not alike because with me, before here, it was different. I felt some feelings normally. Happiness, anger, love...

But I didn't feel a lot of things at all. Fear, shame... I don't think I'd ever been afraid of anything before in my life. Not even a little. Not even a tiny bit. Not even butterflies.

It's not the same, but I thought — I thought maybe — similar enough, maybe she'd get it. Maybe you'd have an idea of what to do, since you want feelings so goddamn bad!

Me, I want to go back to how I was before. I liked how I was before. I didn't "change myself." I'd never choose this. [ Some extra venom there. He's offended by the idea that he would. If she thinks he chose this, that he changed himself on purpose for Cohle or anyone else, then she doesn't understand what he's saying.

Which wouldn't have bothered him before, but being unable to articulate himself is now a source of stress. ]

Problem is, this isn't who I am! I'm not me anymore! I want to get better. I was happy the way I was before. I'm telling you, something is WRONG with me. Like someone else in my brain and I can't make them leave.

[ Even mild frustration is absolutely exhausting for him, as unused to it as he is. But she has no way to know that. How completely out of character this behavior would seem to anyone who knew him back home.

He ignores her choice entirely. He doesn't want to play anymore. Instead he holds out a shaking hand, away from his body like it's radioactive. All but demanding: ]

What is this? Why is it doing that? What feeling makes your hand shake?

[ If shame makes you blush, it seems reasonable to Lalo that there's another feeling that specifically makes your hand shake. Why not? ]

[cactusy]

[The question actually seems reasonable enough to Shaw, and she takes a step forward to examine him more closely - studying not just his hand, but his facial expression too. She pauses, too, before answering - making sure she can gather her thoughts in Spanish, mentally searching for any words she can't remember off the top of her head. She's pretty fluent, but all the same, it doesn't come quite as naturally to her as English does.]

It could be a lot of things. Stress, anxiety, fear. Frustration. Exhaustion. My guess? A combination of a couple of those things. Even if nothing scared you at home, this is... beyond what any of us have ever experienced before.

[She shrugs.]

The change makes sense.

[salamanca]

[ It calms him down somewhat that she treats his question as reasonable, and that she's willing to speak to him in Spanish. Even before the island, he's never been one to judge a non-native speaker on their fluency. He appreciates it when anyone tries.

He smiles a little. ]

Your Spanish is very good.

[ Calmer now, but he still shakes his head. ]

No, no. You don't understand. It doesn't make sense for me. If you knew me before here, you would understand. It's — you are who you are. I was who I was. Who I am now... I don't feel like the same person anymore.

[ And there it is again. Another new feeling: deep sadness at what he has lost. ]

[cactusy]

Is any other part of your life like it was before?

[salamanca]

You believe you would always be the same no matter what changed or what your life was like. Yes? Because you know yourself. You are who you are. I believe you.

Please grant me the same courtesy of believing that I know myself the same way. What has happened to me... it's not because my life has changed. This can't be explained by changing circumstances, or my life being different. It's something else. It's like I am possessed by a demon.