glencolaaa | (no subject)

[ NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Congratulations, Shaw. For once, Lalo is rendered speechless as he just stares at her, eyes wide and mouth agape, before he snaps his mouth shut and just lowers his head, hand on his temple. ]

[Haaaaahahaha ]

Something wrong, de Guzman?

[Smiling juuuuust a little over here. ]

[ His face is a compelling shade of summer tomato, and her smile makes it worse. Or it would, if it could get worse. (He wasn't even sure she knew how to do that! She always seemed so stern on the walkies.)

Or it would, if it could get worse. ]

Si. You know what's wrong. [ An aggravated sigh. ] You should know my name isn't "De Guzman."

What is it? Oh, and fuck, marry, kill - Cohle, Blackwood, Jet?

Salamanca. Better than De Guzman, don't you think? I was pretending to be dead when I arrived here. I needed a new alias.

[ Oh, fuck. The irony of the situation and the cleverness of turning his own bullshit back on him doesn't escape him, and Lalo actually laughs despite himself.

He does still squirm like a fish on a line, fighting his body not to answer before he gives up and answers in Spanish. ]

Please don't translate this, okay?

I'm not the marrying kind, but marry Jet. He's stable. Dependable. Pretty blue eyes.

Fuck the detective because I don't want to give him the satisfaction of saying I'd kill him, and he's so uptight I bet he could fuck me into the mattress if he ever cut loose.

Kill Blackwood. Nothing personal. But he's so shy, I just don't think he'd know what to do with me.

I'll keep quiet if you behave. Why is this the thing that gets you flustered, eh?

[Her accent is decent, and she's fluent enough, but also clearly a nonnative speaker.]

[ He smiles a little condescendingly at her Spanish — it's not the worst he's heard by a long shot, but he can tell it's not her first language.

Truthfully though, he's pleased (or would be pleased, in different circumstances) that she can speak it at all, and grateful she's agreed not to translate, and though putting a condition on it rankles, he knows he has no choice. So he nods in agreement. ]

I don't have a lot of weaknesses. Not much for people to exploit. It seems like it's different for a lot of you, for Blackwood — but where I come from, something like this, if it got out, I'd be ruined. I wouldn't be seen as a man.

There are people I can joke with about that stuff. You know? If you know them. Some people it's okay, it's fine. But from the wrong person, it's —

[ He shrugs, lets the sentence trail off. He coughs and looks down. He trusts she understands what he means. ]

Is that what the weird posturing is about?

Look, I get it. I grew up in the eighties and nineties, I was in the military, Don't Ask Don't Tell was basically seared into my brain. But you get that when you're a pain in the ass people are going to poke you back, right?

Si. I know. On some level, I do. I'm not stupid.

But I'm not used to this. Any of this. Back home, nobody fucks with me. They know better. They do what I say. Back home, it's not posturing. Anyone disrespects me, they pay for it. Right then and there. If they don't, they know it's because I showed mercy.

It's not like that here.

Oh, god, are you a gang lord? Figures.

Bam! You got it! I knew you were smart. Juarez cartel. The Salamanca family? Ever hear of 'em?

Sorry to disappoint you.

Are you gay or bi?

No disappointment. I know things are different in different places! Where I come from, though, we're important in the global meth trade. Real big!

I'm not — I'm neither. I wouldn't use those words for myself. I wasn't lying when I said I'd hit it, though. In case you ever want to take me up on that. [ He finds it in him to smile and playfully raise his eyebrows at her. He doesn't wink though. That seems too lewd, dangerously close to not behaving himself. ]

Looking forward to your nasty fall from grace.

I'm definitely not taking you up on that.

Here? Or back home?

Didn't think you would. Still worth a shot. Can we still be friends?

Just at home. So far.

I don't want friends. I want everybody here to leave me alone.

Pfft. I think you'll be waiting a long time. Good luck with that.

Why? You don't enjoy the company of others?

I do sometimes. Definitely not all the time, though, or even most of the time.

Why? Just the way you're wired? Or is there some other reason?

Definitely the way I'm wired.

But also because I was comfortable with my team, and they're all gone. And before that, I was comfortable with my partner, and he's gone, too. I'm just tired.

Can't get comfortable with people you're never around. How'd you get comfortable with your team? With your partner? Were you comfortable with them right away or did it take time?

One more thing. Would you rather have this conversation in English?

Edited 2023-06-12 00:58 (UTC)

It took time, of course. But I don't want to get comfortable with you guys. Like I said, I'm tired, and I'm okay with being on my own from now on.

I don't care what language we speak.

Aww. You're gonna hurt my feelings! Is it because you don't like us? Or because you think we'll be gone too if you get comfortable with us?

I'm tired. Do you get what I'm saying? I'm. Tired.

[ He's actually quiet for a long time. Or at least it feels like a long time.

When he speaks, he's more subdued. Not sad, but definitely quieter, less playful. ]

To be honest? No. I don't. I don't know what it's like to feel tired. I never do, of anything.

So no. I don't know what you mean. I don't know what "tired" feels like. Not really. Not in my bones. I know it's a thing people can be. But not what it feels like.

[ He has enough restraint not to ask her what it feels like. If she wants to tell him, she'll likely volunteer that information on her own; if she doesn't want to tell him, asking her and forcing her to disclose won't help her mood. ]